I'm all shook up...

It's amazing how you can think that something is completely dealt with, and then find out that it evidently, really isn't.  And words can only just begin to express what that's like.  Humans are so complicated, and i think that i'm one of the more complicated of the bunch - i'm so emotional, and so heart driven, so deep thinking...eesh! 

There are some things, though, that you can't really 'deal with'.  I'm someone that want's to deal with everything - Amy'll fix it stylee.  But sometimes, yeah, there's processing that is useful, but ultimately, you need to admit your weakness and just cry out (or in my case, scream and cry out) to God asking him to take it, to sort it.  But who knows how long that could take.  And in my case, that's already been done a lot a lot of times, and apparently, it's still not dealt with.  I guess there are often, in our complicated-human state, lots of layers...like an onion (thanks Donkey!).  And i guess because i value the tiny things, there're a lot of tiny things i could be holding onto in these multiple layers without realising, causing the shaken up state.  It's interesting how the serious layers can be gone, but there can still be more little layers underneath that are effecting you, even though when you look at it logically, they really shouldn't even be there.  

I always want everything to be ok, but that might not be a realistic goal.  I need such wisdom.  And really need my Restorer and Healer to do his thing in my life.  My faith is small when it comes to God doing something for me.  I believe for other people, not so much for me.  But i know that he and his loving fixing skills are exactly what i need.  I don't know what else i can do but ask him to take it, be in it, restore it, heal it.