Thing is, it may never happen. Married people are quick to say 'don't be silly, of course it'll happen', or words to that effect, but the fact of the matter is...it may not. I'll never feel happy with that, but i think i am in a place where it would be okish. Hopefully it'll never come to that.
Saying all that...i'm really aware of how guarded and hesitant i am towards having a new relationship in my life, even though it is probably the thing i'd like most at the same time. My last break up hurt me more than anything else ever. There are so many thoughts and lessons and reflections that i've drawn from that relationship, and i don't know if that's good or bad. Probably mixed, lol.
The long and short of it is that i'm a heart person, not a head person. And so i'm scared of finding myself in the same position again. I need to use my head a bit more. I won't be searching for a relationship. I need to see that a guy really wants to be with me, and isn't just attracted to me, or to the idea of a relationship.
Thing with that is, generally Christian boys are really reserved and non-engaging with things like that (and the ones who are super eager are the ones you generally need to avoid!!), so how a reserved girl is ever going to get a reserved guy is beyond me.
Some people i've spoken to seem to be scared of not finding 'the one', as if God has appointed one special person for them, and that without that one person they will be alone forever.
That's not really my theology. You see, i think he knows who we will end up with, because he knows everything (omniscience). I think if we love him and listen to him then he'll guide us to someone he's really chuffed with.
I believe his perfect will doesn't always happen. We as humans have choice; free will, and as a result the balance of things are all off. He works all situations to good for those who love him. So i think he will work in people's lives to bring about the best situation...but i don't believe that there's 'the one', so i'm not waiting for him ;)
So, yeah. I'd love to begin a relationship, but am in no way about to rush into one, push for one, or hunt one down. Is a strange thought to think that at some point i may be in a relationship again! An exciting thought too.
Anyway, these babbling thoughts are going on for far too long - i do have a skill in using a lot of words and thinking in lots of different directions! I type like i talk.
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