Lots of invites!

I've just got in from part one of wedding invite making for Phil and Alex.  It was a big factory-stylee production line.  Good stuff, but am now cross-eyed from the focusing on the tiny things for the long time.  

I feel so privileged to be part of the whole process.  I know i've said it before. 

But, i've had an 18hr day today, and am tired.  And my tomorrow morning is free.  So tomorrow i get a lie-in.  THAT is a lovely thought.  

Goodnight. x

Sitting

I need to leave in 15 mins for work.

My hair is wet and my face is un-moisturised/made up. 

But still, i just want to sit. On my bed.  Cross legged.  It feels so good. 

(The legs are less painful today, thank Jesus!!)

But i must move.  Otherwise i'll be late.  

I could so fall back to sleep right now!

Waddle

...the pain has lead to me developing a waddle when i walk.  I have been laughed at by 'friends and family'.  

Today has been a very full day.  Up at 5:30, realistically bed by 11, then i'm up at 5:30 again probably - need to wash hair etc before a 7:15 start at work.  But then i'll get home around 3:30 and have an hours nap i think.  

Watch me not, but atm, i think i will. 

Oooh, and it's face mask day too - will have one of those after my nap to freshen up.  

Pain.

Seriously...it HURTS to go up/down stairs, to generally walk, to drive...i've really hurt my legs playing laser quest!  To top it off, i slept funny so my shoulders and neck are aching too!  

And i've got Kids Club to run tonight with all the dancing and energy expressing that involves!

Eesh!

Haha.  It's quite funny, when it doesn't hurt... 

I didn't go.

Am aiming for bed at 9.  

I think it's important.  

Man, my legs ache from laser quest squatting!  

Dreading getting up the stairs!

Community group or no community group...

...i don't know what to do.  

I'm so very tired, but so value community group, and i don't know what to do.  

I've got an early start tomorrow, and friday.  

And tomorrow is going to be draining with kids club.  

But it will be nice to see everyone.  

But i don't know if i would be able to concentrate. 

But i do want to see what Dutch Sheets has to say about prayer next. 

I am in no state to be making decisions, i feel. 

Post trip

aches. 

After Go Carting i found myself with quite a few bruises, like one on my lower spine, and one on my shoulder blade, and one on the inside of both knees, lol.

After laser quest my wrists, legs, back, arms, ankles...they're all aching.  Not so good.  But totally worth it. 

Still shattered.  Ugh!

Laser Queen

...that is me!

Today i went up against 8 16-18yr olds and Andy and beat them ALL at laser quest.  

TWICE.  

Four of the young people were 17-18yr old boys. 

I am so very proud.  

And had so much fun.  

But am now super dead.  

Especially after go-carting yesterday (is the end of V Project our alt ed course, so doing some celebratory things with them.)  

So super dead.  

Is definitely a work out.  

I'd totally do that again!  SO much FUN!

Alright? Alright.

I'm thinking that maybe, when i greet people, i do it too quietly.  You know, people on the street/neighbours etc?  It's happened quite a few times; i'll say 'hey, how are you?' and they'll say 'alright' and then seem to wait for a response...so i say 'yeah, i'm good thanks', while secretly feeling quite confused by the whole scenario.  Is it 'alright!' or 'alright?'?!

Card Creating...

...leaves my house looking like this. 

Card inspiration...

I've taken up making birthday cards.  Not really sure how it happened...but i've got a big box full of stuff now - lol.  

Got to make three tonight.  One's down, two to go.  

I like the idea of personalising them - they need to reflect a bit of the person they've been created for.  And i'm stuck on card no 2.  It's the perfectionist in me.  Lol. 

Happy Birthday WHC...

...from the wonderful Dan.  Whoo.  Should sort me for the rest of the year...

Look how pretty!

The morning after...

...i woke up at 8:30am.  What's with that?! So i made community breakfast, which was lovely as ever.  Got back, and the boys are STILL asleep - dear-y-me.  

...very good times :)

Birthday Saturday

Today was pretty close to perfect.  

We (Dan, Dean and I) left soon after 9 for Cardiff, went to the castle, did a bit of shopping - seriously, Westworld is my new favorite shop!! Then we ate, and then found Cardiff Bay where we strolled and ate ice cream.  And at 4 we headed back to the car and came home.  

7:30 my wonderful Dad came and picked us up and took us to Broad St, where we walked over to the Handmade Burger Co, ate with a bunch of wonderful friends (i truly am so blessed in that department), then headed over to the Yardbird, where we grooved away.  Sadly, our energy levels wern't that high, so had to bail earlier than we'd have liked, but it's all good, and i have NO regrets :)  

I seriously recommend making a day of your birthday.  

Good times. 

Freakin Tom Tom!!

My DAYS i'm about to SCREAM!! 

This is my THIRD tom tom and it's giving me grief AGAIN.  

IF it continues to do so i WILL replace it because i am ABSOLUTELY FED UP!

AAAAAAARRRRGGGHHHH!!!!!

Mumford and Sons

Here's a bit of honesty; i'm actually really rubbish at the whole music scene thing.  I LOVE music, and have quite a wide range of tastes, but i generally have to rely on my friends/young people to introduce me to stuff.  

Sarah Frost is a good introducer.  She has recently been engaging me with the wonder of Mumford and Sons, and so when my Thursday evening became free i got myself a ticket to go with her and some other fun people to see them.  They are folk music.  I can now say that i love a folk band. 

Here they are:

...and here is my new crush - he smiled, and won my heart...

Dear weather...

...i don't mind it when you're hot, warm or cold.  I don't mind it when you're dry or wet.  I don't mind it when you're sunny or snowing.  In fact, i love it then.  But please, please, please, will you stop being so dull!!

6:35

...i woke up with a start.  An hour earlier, my alarm should have woken me up for morning prayer...but it didn't.  I have no memory of it.  So, either, something weird happened and it didn't go off, or i switched it off in my sleep.

This happened once before...i think in my tiredness my subconscious decided that sleep needed to have priority.  

I need to set two alarms for early morning things. 

Good morning!

Forgetting

...i'm very good at it.  Yup.  And then remembering at the wrong time/too late.  

So tired...

I'm really tired.  Really really.  And i'm thinking about how tonight is a meeting until 10, then i'm up at 5:30 Thursday, then i'm out at a gig in Wolves that means i'll be back late, then Friday i'm doing a late shift, then atm on Saturday we're supposedly leaving here at 7:45 and continuing until Sunday morning...and i'm not sure if i can cope.

And i'm still really sad about the whole beach situation.  And concerned about how late we're eating/getting to the yardbird.

I'm re-thinking...

...the beach.  I want to see the sea and the waves so much, but to drive a total of 5 hours to spend at the most 5 hours there, when the forecasts says rain...it seems a bit silly.  

So i need a new adventure, but they all involve being outside.  And outside = rain. 

So i'm a bit sad. And worried.

Man, 23 years!

That's a lot.  It's weird to think that i'm that age.  I still feel like a teenager.  I don't like how my young people are now surprised when i listen to 'cool' music.  I love sharing my life with loads of people and visiting different friends and being spontaneous and not tied down. 

My last year has been quite cool.  

My break up with Nath was something i was still dealing with at the start, which sucked, but i survived, and grew as a result.  I got a 2-1 at Uni and a 1st in my disser-flippin-tation, man, i survived uni!!  I passed my driving test, got my first car, experienced a spa for the first time, saw the wonders that Rome held,  I can now climb...quite well.  

I've started to see a light at the end of the tunnel that was the isolation i felt from God.  I've learnt so much about me.  I get me more, who i am, what i want, and what i need.  I have a new found confidence in myself, security in who i am.  I got closer to some lovely people who i never want to lose in my life, and tried to figure out what close relationships looked like in new environments. 

So.  I'm going to stop thinking about where i should be at.  How a 23yr old should be.  What a 23yr old should have accomplished.  Whatever.  No more.  I am who i am, and i'm looking forward to growing more and what my next year might contain - ooooh!!

Watch this space :) x

23

...eugh.  Birthdays are not what they used to be.  Today's going to be weird.  I'm spending the day at work, and have nothing organised for this evening.

I'm not really where i thought i'd be in life either.  You know, when you're younger and plan out what's going to happen in what year of your life?  I expected to be married.  Part of me is glad i'm not.  But i'd be lying if i said i didn't want that to begin to happen in the next few years of my life.  I'm petrified that i might never get married.  Not because i don't like being alone, although that is sometimes true, other times i treasure it.  I just want to be able to share life with someone.  But then i love the freedom that singleness brings.  Is odd being this age.  

Is crazy another year has gone - i'm so thankful for my health and wellbeing over this last year, God has been good.  I'm intrigued as to what my next year is going to be like...hmmm...

Emailing photos

It's taken me hours to email photos for work.  It's taken over my whole evening.  I'm tired and stressed and still have stuff to do. I'm not impressed.  And i don't know when i get my Deany back.  And i've still not finalised thoughts for my birthday. Grah. 

Not one came

...7 young people are enrolled on an alternative education course looking to support them in moving into employment/training and developing their personal skills.  It's something tailored around them, and there purely for them.  And not one turned up today. 

Sometimes i feel like i care more about their futures and lives than they do.

And it's possibly the most frustrating thing ever.  

Face mask

So.  Some mornings are ridiculously rushed and i'm late for work and it's all pete tong.  Other mornings, like this morning, i give myself the same amount of time and manage to fit in a face mask and chance to blog! How the flip does that jolly work?!  

Just remembered that i watched 'He's Just Not That Into You' yesterday - that was the 'cinema' bit.  Quite a good film.  Could be depressing, but i thought it was also refreshing: sometimes, he's just not that into you.  Cause us girls definitely overanalyse things. 

I'm thinking...

Colwyn bay (although it doesn't have big rocks...nowhere does unless you add an extra 15mins to the journey), and so there won't be crashing waves :(

Handmade Burger Co...although i went there for my last bday...

Yard Bird (£5.50 pre-booked entry)

Risa (maybe...if i fancy some R&B...because it's close)

Sound good? 

I'm really struggling to make decisions without my Deany to bounce ideas off. 

Baaaad good weekend

Let me explain...

I've loved my weekend.  I've already commented on my yesterday, and my today was church-meal-film-Sarahs-church-white hot chocolate.  All good :)  BUT...i've still not decided on my birthday activities.  Or made birthday cards for a gazillion people.  Or bought presents for a similar amount, including my nan! Or cleaned the house at all this weekend.

I'm still trying to figure which beach is best, and which club to go to - the dilemma there being that a friend is having a gathering at Oceana...but i'm feeling the Yard Bird vibe.  Maybe with some Risa after midnight or something.  I dunno.   And where to eat kinda depends on that decision.  And i know i'm not going to have much time to plan other than now, which is why i'm still up at 10:15 after the hectic weekend that was.  

Church today was the next in the series on relationships.  Basic gist of it was honour and respect everyone.  Men, flippin pursue women - don't just sit back and hope that something happens (amen to that), and women - allow them to pursue you...because that's what they want!! (erm...ok then...)  So yeah.  This is affirmation of my previous reflection (i think it was here i reflected it...) of me not making any sort of moves on a guy.   I might hint that i like him, but i will not make any moves/start any conversations/anything.  If you want me, then pursue me.  :)  i like that idea. 

And i'm thinking of Prestatyn or Rhyl for the beaches...gonna check the bbc weather forecast and read into the areas a bit more.  They're right next door to each other, so could always move on if we got bored...  

Happy Valentines Day...

This view made me laugh a lot.  Very not pc.  

I've had a lovely day, actually.  

I did two cupcake deliveries with Sarah and had a drink in the Vic with her and Alex who manages the bar.  

I went straight from there to meet up with Cheryl and Anika - two lovelies from Uni.  

Once they'd both left i went to pick up Zoe my love from work, we had "coffee" and stared at shoes we can't afford, and i met her crazy friends who went to london for lunch.

Straight from there i went and met up with four of the most eligible bachelorettes i know for drinks in Brindley Place.  We laughed and had a very good time.  

Rage

Today, a big lad young person shoved a smaller girl young person, and she flew and hit the wall and floor.  She was hurt and upset.  But more than that, she was angry.  I guess threatened and embarrassed.  She shook.  Tears of rage fell down her face.  Her hands searched for anything weapon like as her eyes were locked ahead of her.  It was scary.  

I got her away eventually, and then she went to go after him.  "Let him finish the job".  I said no way, i care about you too much and don't want to see you get hurt.  She said she didn't care so i shouldn't.  She said she enjoys pain anyway, and watch, when he beats me up there'll be no stopping my mates.  They'll beat him up then.  There were still tears.  Only now they were in my eyes too.  Only for me it wasn't rage.  It was what i saw in her.

So broken.  So vulnerable.  So hurt.  

So, so broken.  

It made me want to foster kids. 

Last night

one of the doors in my house opened.  I was in bed, and heard it.  It sounded a lot like the spare room so jumped out of bed and eventually plucked up the courage to see who it was.  It was no-one.  But i knew what i heard.  

I ended up barricading myself into my room. 

Then, after 2:00am i got a withheld call with some very strange sounds coming from the other end of it.  It sounded like a girl.  It sounded scary.  I didn't like it.  Then they hung up.  I was awake.

This morning i snoozed for an hour.  That was NOT supposed to happen.  And i'm unsure about whether work starts at 11:45 or 12:15.  And i need to go tell halfords to give me a new satnav.  And i feel like it should be bedtime.  And i've got a headache. 

But the sun is shining and the sky is blue. :)

When the driver is a she...

is a very funny youtube clip.  Cheeky, but funny.  

Today i saw pictures of my ex ex boyfriend online.  Have often wondered if he was still alive and ok, and it seems that the answer is yes.  And he's still married to the girl he cheated on me with, lol.  Not funny at the time...but i was 16/17, and over it by the end of the week.  I'm glad that he seems happy.  

But a tiny bit of me felt jealous.  I've recently discovered that I kinda feel that when i see guys and girls hook up.  Is so self centred. I hate it.  But it's true.  Even with my good male friends that i see begin to make other girls happy.  Under NO circumstances does it mean that i'd want to be with them, i've felt it over my ex and his current which proves that!  And OF COURSE i'm over the moon for these lovely guys who find lovely ladies...but there's that bit of me that says 'what about me?' In a silly 'i want someone to want me and to want them back' kind of way. 

Steve Hirst

is coming back from Ghana on March 31st.  

I am excited.  

He is one of the very specials in my life.  

He's around for a whole month, and then before the year is out i'm going to visit him in Ghana. 

I'm very, very excited.

Sweets

There are a lot of sweets in the office.  They look very lovely.  The bottom one is 5kgs.  They are for the kids.  I'm not allowed them.  That's probably a good thing.  

They win

...the celebrations that is.  

I bought them for someone for Christmas and then didn't see them.  And they've been sitting in my living room ever since.  Seriously.  Well over a month.  Wrapped and unopened.

And now they're open. And entering my body at a steady rate.  And it feeeeeeeeeels gooood!

Other news - they just kissed on tv.  A nice kiss.  A gorgeously tummy turning kiss.  I'd like one of those please.  Thing is...they're only gorgeously tummy turning when they mean something. 

Frustration

Rah - man, i'm feeling tense and frustrated. 

I love work.  And because of that, sometimes i end up feeling tense and frustrated.  But it's worth it to have a job i love. 

But maaan, frustrated.  

Wee wee

I wee.  I go to bed.  10 mins later...i need to wee.  Only i don't really.  What is with that?!

Other news...i have some top friends who really do make my days happy and worth it, just by being a part of them.

I'm staring to feel like i need to wee again!! Is totally psychological, it has to be.  Boo hisss...

Scrubs

is good.  Innit.  C'mon and agree.  Brings many laughs to my 30mins of viewing.  I just wish they never did the sad endings. 

Slushy mess

...nuff said. :(

Snow

Ok.  So first up; i know that as soon as any snow falls the whole country goes snow-crazy.  I know that this can get repetitive and boring.

BUT

There's something so mesmerizing about it all.  I wish i could capture what i see when i look at a street light and the snow is falling heavy all around it.  I hate it when it's wet and snowy, but this is starting to stick, if it keeps on all night, it'll be thick and gorgeous by the morning.  I think i deserve it.  Earlier i home visited in dagger-like rain conditions...it was painfully cold.  Thick and gorgeous snow would definitely make up for it.

I really want it to be thick and gorgeous by the morning.

B-e-a-utiful.  Already. 

Porky pigs

Lovely Sarah got me some more.  I let myself have a few after home visiting tonight.  They're yum.  They're NOT Percy Pigs.  

Little things like that make me feel loved the most.

It didn't

snow.  I just checked.  Is flippin' freezin' though!

Sleep

...i've not had enough of it.  

I shared a room Saturday with someone who breathed in heavily (not an issue), but then made a 'slapping' noise with her tongue...quite a lot like the sound a baby makes when it's drinking from a bottle.  It was pretty much constant.  I ended up sleeping with my head under a pillow, praying that i wasn't about to suffocate myself.

Hello

Saturday i went to bed at 1:30, got up at 6:15, left at 7:30, and was awake for 20ish hours.

I met Jen's bridesmaids...and get on with them all just fine.  Good times.

I tried on two wedding dresses.  Was part of my duty as maid of honour so that Jen could see the back detail properly.  It now feels slightly like i've started something i can't finish.

I used up as much petrol going around Manchester on Saturday as i did driving to Manchester from Birmingham.  That's quite a lot.

I missed blogging on more than one occasion. 

I drove all the way home with my boot open.  Thankfully, i still have all my stuff...i think...

I went to church, and the service was on relationships, and how in our culture too much pressure is put on 'dating', and that we should date more without the whole 'i'm dating you therefore i'm marrying you' thing.  I agree, in as much as i think that you need to be able to spend time with someone getting to know them and not stress about whether you'll marry them...but at the same time i don't think it's ok to be doing that if you're not up for that relationship possibly ending in marriage at some point.  Something in it didn't sit right.  But that could be just because it goes against my culture.

I drove back from Church wondering when i'll have a special someone in my life.  I'd like to get to know someone better with the view to maybe 'go steady'...even though it petrifies me at the same time.

I got home to find my new washing machine fixed, and a cupboard put where my old one was.  I think it was my daddy, but he's not text back.  HA - and as i wrote that, he text me.  It was him.  But it has a leak.  My dad is the best in the world.

I was cold, so got a hot water bottle.  I can't remember when i last did that. 

I now need to sleeep...and secretly really really want it to snow overnight so that there's 20inches of the stuff when i wake up.

...so there you go!

Hair cut

I got my hair cut.  Isn't much shorter.  Parting's changed. 

 

Makes me look different.  Maybe more like my mum.  

Not sure if i like it yet.  Isn't styled how i'd style it.  Don't have time to play now.  Is time for work.  Boo.

Lie-in

I slept in till 9.  Woke up around 7, 7:30, 8, but i went back to sleep again.  Until 9.  And it feels GREAT!  After the early start and lateish finish yesterday, exactly what i needed. 

Only bad thing is i dreamt about some odd spider-bug thing...so now i've got the 'ugly bug' feeling - like i've seen one/am about to see one.

Good morning world :)

Odd

I feel odd. 

Work felt odd.  Having to work felt odd.  Kids Small Group WAS odd.  

Everything feels odd.  Everything. 

I don't think i like it.

5:40am snow

This morning, as i left for prayer, there was a lot of snow falling.  Little little bits, but lots of it.  And it was BEAUTIFUL!!

What made it even more beautiful was that no-one had trodden in it yet, anywhere near my house, and only two cars had driven in it, so there was no darkness on the floor or road, it was all white.  Even when i got to the main roads, i couldn't see the road for the snow.  Slid around a bit as a result, but kept very calm and slow and sort-of in control :)

There's something really enchanting about untouched snow.  I was sad, when i left the prayer room, to see that the roads were visible and the snow on them was all brown.  Is still pretty and white on my road though...just hope no-one drives into my car!!

Prayer

I've often nearly blogged on my thoughts surrounding prayer, but never got around to it.  

Now we're looking at prayer in my cell/home group/missional community.  I'm not gonna tell you about it now...because i'm doing the stuff at 6am tomorrow...but something's just clicked into place in my, well, i don't know really...in me. 

Watch This Space. 

I love

dancing around my house to my ipod.

And our newly kitted out van for detached...i'd post a pic, but it's got a young person on it.  But seriously, it's AMAZING!! I've done many a jig in excitement over it :)

American Idol

...how many contestants do the judges actually see?  

There must be so many mediocre singers.  And then so many rubbish singers.  (And i do get that they're screened first).  But seriously, they must get frustrated.

They're paid enough to get frustrated though.  I don't pity them.  Just a thought.

Cough cough

...in the morning.  I have a horrible cough that is so strong i half-wretch and feel like it might make me sick...but it only happens in the morning i think.  I can't remember coughing like that at work.

Strange.

Today...

Today i've not blogged.  But i wanted to.  But i've not had the time.  I had something to say, but i've forgotten it.  Here are some other things...even though that one thing is going to annoy me for quite a while...

• I'm down to my last Porky Pig, and i can't bring myself to eat it. 
  
• I figured i've got enough holiday to book time to go to Momentum, Greenbelt, Ghana, and a girls holiday.  Bring it on!! Now all i need to do is figure how the flip i'm gonna afford it...
  
• White hot chocolate is still out of stock online...i'm scared and need to get to Nottingham...or...could just ask Dan for a favour...that'd be a sensible option - duh!
  
• I truly love the way the snow glistens.
  
• I went to Tesco just so i could get myself some milk for a white hot chocolate. 
• This week i've upped my time at UDB to 4 days instead of the 3 i was doing, and will continue doing that probably forever.  Or until i go full time.
• I think i get 'it' a lot more now. 
• Crushes are silly and fun and silly.
• Young people can be both completely predictable, but then totally, absolutely unpredictable.
• Electricians take too long.
• There are most definitely NOT enough hours in the day. 
• Full time youth work is intense stuff.
• Self reflection is hard.  
• I don't know what to do with my hair.
• I still can't remember what i wanted to blog earlier. 

Deaaaad...

I put it on the window ledge, so it could get some sun...and now it looks like this.  I just can't win when it comes to plants :(

Icicles

I drove all the way home in first gear.  Ha.  And still skidded a bit.  Ooh.  But it's all good.  And i have icicles on my car!!

Snow

Today it's supposed to snow throughout.  I love snow.  It's so pretty, i get all excited.  

I don't love what it does to the roads though.  That's going to be especially true tomorrow/wednesday when we're gonna have sleet.  Slippery road time!!  Uh-oh...

I'd love to have a work-from-home day today.  That'd be nice and cozy.  I could sit up here on my bed all day and work :) And go for a walk in the park for my lunch break :)

In other news...I dreamt about a boy yesterday.  One of those 'real' dreams.  And now i keep on feeling like there's a boy.  Haha.  If there was a boy i'd go to the park in the snow with him.  

Hair cut

I'm getting it done on Friday.  Don't know what.  Will probably be just the same again.  I'm bored of that though.  But nothing else is inspiring me.  

I just like big/wavy/messy/choppy hair. 

Maybe i should just say that to her.  

But i don't want one of those styles where there are random bits longer than all the others.  That is not me. I could throw in that little clause...

Hmm...i'm gonna end up with the same again. 

There's nothing quite like a...

...Mc Donalds.  

No, i'm not joking.  Sometimes, it's exactly what i want, and i'm not ashamed to say it.  Today, just, right now, is one of those times.  Double cheesburger with a strawberry shake.  Katie and Sarah were talking about it after church today, and i was like 'yes, that has to happen'.  

I think it's only fair, as i was cheated out of my McD's Breakfast last week by time (blogged earlier under 'the clock stopped' i think).

February

Flippin what?!  How's that? 

In some ways, New Years feels like a lifetime away.  In other ways, i can't believe that January has already gone.  

I'm frustrated i've still got this ugly, heavy, ghost-like sadness, it's been nearly a month now.  Feels like so much longer.  Ghost-like because it has no reason to still be around.  It doesn't consume me, but it's there.  And definitely confuzzles me.  

But man, February...life's gonna fly by.  And i'm 23 in 16 days.  That's gonna be a fun Saturday :)

Jelly soap

I got some jelly soap for Christmas from lovely Dan, and it's very fun.  I don't use it if i'm in a rush though.  Smells purdy too :)

Home now

So...Lee wasn't DJing.  Isn't really the kind of music i'd dance to normally, snap with Dean and Robyn, so we left soon after 10 and headed up to Risa, where we danced/laughed/chatted the night away.  Good times.  

On a slightly more serious note, my chest is hurting and feeling a bit tight...not sure what it is...but it's put a bit of a poop on the night for me, and is gonna make sleeping harder :(  but then, it's 3am so i think sleeping's not really gonna be much of an issue!!