Friends

I love my friends.  

There are people in my life who make it happy and fun, exciting, interesting, educative (in a fun way!), tasty...so many lovely things.  

There are people in my life who make me feel valued, who make my day, who look out for and are genuinely concerned for me.

There are people who trust me enough to share their fears, hopes, feelings and dreams with. How amazing. What a flippin' privilege.  

They are all wonderful.  

It's amazing how different people can be.  I love the mix of the people i love.  :)

Laughter is so, so important. 

Just a thought about them can bring a smile to my face.

And I can't believe i'm privileged enough to have them want to spend time with me.  

Without these wonderful people being there, who knows where i'd be at.  

Secret burdens are all i know.

Sharing is so much better than secret burdens...but life has taught me to not share.  

Now i'm in a place where i can and should share.  

And it's scary but good.  

Sadly, though i know i can trust, i don't own that trust - i've learnt that even the most trustworthy aren't always.  

And i know it's different here.  

On one level i know it.

It'll take a while to live that difference.  But i want to.

I ate.

I was ill, and then sick.  So i didn't eat.  Felt a bit better.  Ate.  Feel sick again. 

Lesson of the day anyone?

Free photos!

Jessops online are doing a deal where if i join them i can get 90 free photos.  And then pick them up from a local store so i don't have to pay delivery.  

I was thinking only yesterday about how i want more photos in my house.  

This is like a little gift from God, saying 'hey, Amy, i agree, some more photos would be wonderful.  Here you go. Ps i love you.'

I LOVE photos.  

I AM excited. 

Too flippin cold

It is very cold.  

-1 atm apparently, although i'd argue it's colder.  

There's a bit of snow, but i'd cope with the cold much better if there was a lot of snow.  

Cold is ok if there's a lot of snow, or if it's a crisp, clear morning.  

Dark is only ok if it is actually snowing at that moment.  

It is not snowing at this moment, and there is not a lot of snow, so it should be warmer and brighter...or at least brighter.  

Grace

I don't think that ever before has there been an artist who so consistently encapsulates part of me in their lyrics and music.  Phil Wickham does it so beautifully, expressing the weakness and desperation and crapness of humanity, of me, in a way that highlights our/my need for God ever-more.  

He will probably pop up quite a lot on here, but today, as on many other days, 'Grace' is definately the song of the moment.  It expresses a complete desperation for God in the midst of a painful and difficult time...at least for me.  And that's me.

The sky is grey and the light is far, the sea is a rage within my heart.  I turn my sight to the crashing waves, i cry in the night just to be saved.

I need eyes to be my guide, i need a voice that's louder than mine, i need hope, i need You, cause i can't do this alone.

Grace, i call Your name, oh won't Your smile fall over me? I'm cracked and dry, on hands and knees, oh sweet grace rain down on me.  I need You Grace.

I pray for dawn a new day to live, I pray for mercy only Jesus gives.  Though darkness falls and a million cry, i believe over all there's a greater light shining for us. 

Come down and save me.  

I'm all shook up...

It's amazing how you can think that something is completely dealt with, and then find out that it evidently, really isn't.  And words can only just begin to express what that's like.  Humans are so complicated, and i think that i'm one of the more complicated of the bunch - i'm so emotional, and so heart driven, so deep thinking...eesh! 

There are some things, though, that you can't really 'deal with'.  I'm someone that want's to deal with everything - Amy'll fix it stylee.  But sometimes, yeah, there's processing that is useful, but ultimately, you need to admit your weakness and just cry out (or in my case, scream and cry out) to God asking him to take it, to sort it.  But who knows how long that could take.  And in my case, that's already been done a lot a lot of times, and apparently, it's still not dealt with.  I guess there are often, in our complicated-human state, lots of layers...like an onion (thanks Donkey!).  And i guess because i value the tiny things, there're a lot of tiny things i could be holding onto in these multiple layers without realising, causing the shaken up state.  It's interesting how the serious layers can be gone, but there can still be more little layers underneath that are effecting you, even though when you look at it logically, they really shouldn't even be there.  

I always want everything to be ok, but that might not be a realistic goal.  I need such wisdom.  And really need my Restorer and Healer to do his thing in my life.  My faith is small when it comes to God doing something for me.  I believe for other people, not so much for me.  But i know that he and his loving fixing skills are exactly what i need.  I don't know what else i can do but ask him to take it, be in it, restore it, heal it.